As the Christmas period draws in, we understand that life as an expat can feel extremely lonely and emotional. I know I can speak for myself and the girls in saying that, to say these feelings out loud, sometimes brings shame and embarrassment too. After all, we were the ones who chose to live away!
Day to day life as an expat living in Australia, or any foreign country has many ups. We have the sun and warm weather, pristine beaches and waterways on our doorstep, exotic birds and animals, a multitude of parks and free outdoor activities for the kids, the list could go on. But there’s something about Christmas time that brings the doubts and questions that play on our minds. YES, we love living in the place we choose as our home, but is it all worth it being away from our loved ones?
Let’s face it (speaking from a view of living in Australia), the sun is NOT what Christmas is about! Santa lives in the North Pole! He wears a big red velvet jacket, comfy black snow boots and a hat trimmed in fur to keep him warm. His means of transport is a sleigh with his herd of reindeers and his besties are little helper elves dressed in striped tights! He somehow fits down the chimney with a sack full of gifts, places them all under the tree in perfect little piles, eats cookies and drinks milk and then quietly slips back out! As crazy as all this sounds, it’s the magic of Christmas and it brings joy to each and every child that believes in the stories we tell. The build up to the big day is usually what makes the Christmas period special for me. Back in the UK and Ireland, the shops are bustling and there’s Christmas songs wherever you go. The cafes are offering winter specials with cinnamon drinks and specialty hot chocolates. The pubs and restaurants have roaring fires to keep us warm and caveries filled with festive add ons. The Christmas markets start where you can find unique gifts and mulled wine and the dark nights and starry skies make it feel somewhat more magical like you might just catch a glimpse of Santa and Rudolf if you stare long enough. I always say, “there’s no place like home for Christmas” and when I think of home at Christmas time, it’s all of the above that comes to mind.
Christmas as an expat and as we know it will never be matched living in Australia in my opinion. By saying this I don’t mean to sound ungrateful, I do love living in this beautiful country. It’s just not the same. Unfortunately, it always seams to be the most expensive time of year to travel too, so going home every year is not an option. I mean, how does Santa get into our houses to bring our presents? And wouldn’t he be sweating in his bed red coat and snow boots?!
When we think about what Christmas really means to us, the number one thing that comes to my mind is family. It’s the one time of the year where we all get together in one house, wearing Christmas jumpers, eating and drinking too much! And when you don’t have the option to do this because you live far away, the guilts of your kids missing out can really set in. So YES, we are lucky that we get to choose the place we would like to call home. And YES, we are lucky to have so many beautiful things on our doorstep. BUT, that doesn’t mean we should feel spoiled or ashamed to say that we wish we could be with our loved ones at this special time of the year.
Here are some tips we recommend trying to help guild you through the Christmas period.
1. Journal your thoughts and feelings. It’s a well known fact that keeping a journal can help with managing anxiety and stress. It can help identify your fears and concerns whilst improving your mood and it gives us something to look back on each year to help normalise and justify our feelings.
2. Find as many local activities that are happening in your area this Christmas and attend as many as you can. There’s a lot of free kids activities with festive arts and crafts, games, movies under the stars etc which will help you get into the Christmas spirit.
3. Get together with your expat friends. Put yourself out there. I know it can be uncomfortable at first but you can honestly find friends that will become your family which makes home feel a little closer as everyone is experiencing the same emotions.
4. Keep your family traditions. Whether that means making the full Christmas dinner or playing a certain Christmas game, introduce your friends to these traditions and keep the spirit alive!
5. Call home! FaceTime the family, call the grandparents, text the aunties and uncles. Send pictures of the kids and ask for pictures back so you can feel the joy. I know it’s hard but it’s the best time of the year to let people know they are in your thoughts.
6. Throw the rules (some) out of the window. Let’s the kids stay up late, watch all the Xmas movies, eat chocolate for breakfast, have leftovers for days. When you relax on the rules and loosen up, you have more fun and the Christmas period can feel that extra bit special.
7. Don’t worry about the small things. Who cares the dishes are not washed or the house isn’t clean after the kids have trashed it with all their new toys? We clean the house every week, if not more throughout the year. This is the time where the little things don’t matter and shouldn’t be worried about.
8. Get out to the beach! I know it’s not very Christmasy to go to the beach for us expats but it’s a great way to unwind and clear your mind. Spending time in the water is calming the sun feels good on our skin. Plus it will make people at home that little bit jealous!!
9. Volunteer and/or donate. Christmas is not just lonely for us, there are people in much worse situations and circumstances. If you have the time and means to do so, find if there are any local groups that may need help. Donate old toys and clothes to families in need. This is something I make a priority throughout the year with my kids and I explain to them that not everyone is fortunate enough to have the things they need. It’s a great tool for teaching your kids good values whilst helping people that are less fortunate. You can also pay it forward. Pay for someone’s coffee or groceries if you are in a position to do so. Good always comes back to good.
10. Tell people you love them! Or even just write a note to someone telling them how special they are. Who doesn’t like to hear nice things and you never know what people are going through. Christmas is about love and that is something that every person needs!
So mamas, if you are feeling all the motions this Christmas and you are battling with yourself over it, give in to the thoughts and know you are not alone. It’s ok to feel sad, to cry, to avoid it, to speak out what you are feeling. Everyone’s response is different but I guarantee everyone will be feeling the same somewhat.
All our love, Dan, Melissa & Lianne
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